


Branded

by SmexyWatermelon



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Implied Panam/V, Panic Attacks, Post End-game, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:07:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28670499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmexyWatermelon/pseuds/SmexyWatermelon
Summary: The Aldecaldos have saved V's life, brought him away from Night City and welcomed him in their midst... so why does that patch on his jacket carry so many ill thoughts?
Relationships: Panam Palmer/Male V
Kudos: 36





	Branded

Safe.

That’s something V had rarely felt, especially in these last few months. Days and weeks had all merged into a blur of mayhem, indistinguishable from one another. And yet…

He traced the grooves and curves of the Aldecaldos logo imprinted on the arm of his jacket. Safe. That word didn’t sit right with him, for whatever reason.

They were on his side, no matter the cost, no matter how many died to get him inside Arasaka tower. Because he was family, because they trusted him. And yet, he didn’t know if he could say the same for the clan.

He wasn’t used to having a family, and he had come to like it that way. Less people to hurt, less people that could turn on him at any given moment… and he knew that the clan wasn’t like that. But the damage had been done long ago, and his thought process always went there any time he was surrounded by too many people.

Moreover, to say that the Badlands were different from NC… that didn’t even begin to describe the picture. He wasn’t made for this life, and both he and Panam were painfully aware of it.  
He had troubles sleeping at night, with all the quiet. The nights were so dark he thought he would choke in them.  
But all of that had to be pushed aside, as long as he was interrupted mid conversation by nosebleeds, as long as he couldn’t stray too far from camp for the risk of having another seizure.

His fingers stopped over the leather. Dug into it, feeling the fabric squeaking around his fingernails.

He needed the Aldecaldos more than they needed him. And V didn’t like that one bit.

He needed help, and he wasn’t about to refuse now, but… those letters carried a weight he wasn’t expecting.

It wasn’t just belonging, it was… being owned, in a certain way. He knew no one would have stopped him from going away now, but the fact he was so far away from the city meant he needed a clan to back him up. He was stuck, and going back alone now wasn’t an option anymore.

He felt the familiar pressure, holding onto his lungs tight. His eyes wandered out of habit over the figures before him, between the cars and the tents until he found her.

Panam was so easy to spot in the middle of the clan. In front of the central firepit, talking and laughing with the others. He envied how well she fit amongst all of it.

How this poorly executed fling turned into one of his longest lasting relationships, he wasn’t sure… but the butterflies in his stomach didn’t ease the pressure on his chest. They never did.

He pushed himself back on his feet, quietly moving around the van he had been sitting on and then towards the perimeter, where there was more quiet, more of that unusually empty cold, just as the sprawling desert opened up before him. The night air was cold, but he could spot those lonesome stars in the sky, between one cloud and another.  
  


He didn’t like any of that, but it was a good reminder. Gave him time and space to think.

His fingers had begun working around the edges of that patch in the meantime. How every single stitch and thread kept everything together, how they stubbornly resisted when he pulled on them. And yet it would have been easy, all too easy to rip it away, if he really meant to.

“Are you alright?”

He almost jumped at that voice, yanking him out of his train of thoughts. “Y-yeah...” He meekly replied, trying to remember how to breathe normally, talk normally. All those years in Arasaka’s counter intel had taught him how to take his feelings and shove them deep inside the remotest corner of his mind… and yet V was having troubles doing just that.

Maybe Johnny was right. Maybe he wasn't cut for corporate life after all…

“You look a bit worse for wear there,” Her tone was jovial, but V could spot that doubt, that worry underneath.  
He forced a smirk over his face, shrugging his shoulders. “Just nostalgia. I’m not collapsing on you, Pan.”

“You better!” She touched his arm, shouldering him. “You missing Night City again?”

V nodded at that. “It’s just… tough to get a grip right now.” He looked up towards the horizon… he couldn’t even spot rocks and mountains, with all the dust the night winds had kicked up. “I’ve never been so far into the Badlands without company men.”

Panam took a sip from the beer she was carrying, but seemed surprised to hear that. “You mean you’ve been out here before?”

V chuckled at the memory of the Mexican mishap from a few years back. “I did… It feels like it was a lifetime ago…” He added, feeling that familiar sharp pain bite into his chest again.

Panam’s eyes trailed to his hand, still holding tightly over the Aldecaldos patch.

“V… are you-”

“I’m fine. I promise.” He lied.

Silence clung like an unwelcome guest between them.

“We’re gonna find you help soon, okay?”  
“I know..”

“Just another couple of days until we hit the border-“  
“I know.”  
  
She breathed out, irritated. “What’s with the long face now?”

“I’m afraid I’ll… I’ll end up hurting you. All of you. And-“  
  
“What’s with this now? You’re not gonna hurt anyone-“ Not even gonna let him finish… classic Panam.  
“Hey-“ She grabbed his face in her hands, forced him to lock gaze with her. “I mean it.”  
“You and I, we’re gonna see this to the end, understood?”  
  


“Understood.”

He hugged her tight, nuzzled in, holding Panam close in his arms.

_…And I’m sorry._

He belonged with them. Whether he liked it or not.

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve finished the game and though the nomads ending wasn’t my favorite one, there was so much going on, and that one darn Aldecaldos jacket… dunno, it hit different. Especially after seeing the ending tied to The Devil achievement, that one was just devastating and I loved how it explored V’s mental state after the end of the game. So here’s a little thingy that’s more self-indulgent rather than ship-related, but oh well. Gotta have one of those once in a while ^^


End file.
